I have been away for a while, but have tried to write a couple of blogs since my last one but have never got round to finishing them due to the really difficult last few months I have had since March. The first and most significant thing that has happened is that my boyfriend who I loved very much decided to break up with me so that he could excel in his last year exams and leaving me feeling like shit and basically getting a lower 2nd class degree when I was well on track to getting a 2:1. I can't blame him, I blame my emotions and the fact that I stupidly let myself love him so much and become so attached. "HINDSIGHT IS A WONDERFUL THING", no it isn't. Hindsight is a bloomin' nuisance.
My choice to study Latin in my 3rd year was probably the worst thing I could have done as I am pretty certain that that was what pulled my final grade down to a 2:2... But I won't find out for sure until 1st July when we get told what our individual course marks were. I was producing high 2:1 and 1st class coursework in all of my courses (bar latin) in my final year, so to drop down to a 2:2 is pretty disappointing but I thought that it was an unfortunate possibility due to the months of heartache I have had to battle with and the fact that 3rd year Latin Language and Reading (the latin course' official title) just doesn't agree with me.
So I am stuck with a 2:2. Great. Woopdidoo. Just what I always wanted. And the guy (henceforth The Heartbreaker) who has ruined my 3rd year of uni has nicked my degree result from right under my feet. The bitterness comes and goes but right now the result is still very fresh so the bitterness I feel towards him is hopefully understandable and allowed (or so I believe).
I have had so many supportive messages from friends on FB, and I love you all for your kind words of wisdom and hatred towards the guy who has ruined my life since March. It is hard to see how things will get better sometimes, and right now I feel that I will never meet anyone who made me feel as in love as The Heartbreaker did.
But I have things to look forward to :) And they mostly all include friends and family, the most supportive people I have and the only people I can totally rely on and trust. (I will never rely on another guy again or even let myself get attached, at least not for a few hundred years as the pain that I am going through now and have been struggling with for the past 4 months is not worth it. It makes me feel foolish and so utterly naive. Basically, I am completely alone in the love department and it hurts like hell.) (Sorry for the enormous parenthesis right there!) As I was saying, there are a few things to look forward over the next couple of months:
1. Meeting up with some good friends on Sunday in London to have lunch at one of my fave restaurants : LEON. Absolutely delicious food and fantastic company, then we will hopefully either mooch on to a beer garden or whatever else takes our fancy (the weather is meant to be dry and sunny on Sunday so fingers crossed it remains that way).
2. GLASTONBURY FESTIVAL!!!! And it will be my first time :) I am so unbelievably excited. A proper hedonistic time with two of my girl friends. (Am just praying that I don't bump into The Heartbeaker with whom I booked the tickets last year when we were still together...) But some incredible bands are playing who I really can't wait to see: Caravan Palace - a French electro swing band that my brother introduced me to. They will be AMAZING live! Bombay Bicycle Club, Friendly Fires, Two Door Cinema Club, Metronomy, Fools Gold, Everything Everything, Mumford and Sons, and many others. Hopefully us girls will be able to make some compromises as to who we want to see. Caravan Palace and Bombay Bicycle Club are probably my two definites :)
3. My 22nd Birthday! On the 10th July I will be leaving my 21s and reaching the doubly terrible twos! Am planning on having a chilled day in Regents Park during the ENTIRE day :) Pimms and picnic in the park with lots of close friends. Cannot wait :) Yes, it would have been nice to share it with the one I love (The Heartbreaker) but that is no longer an option and never will be be an option. But all the same, I am hoping for a lovely day in the sunny sun sun :D (Please have your hat on for the day Mr Sun... I could do with a really cheery day).
So, I have some lovely things to look forward to and in the mean time lots of incredible friends and family are keeping me strong even though a lot of the time I feel like just crashing on my bed and watching TV series' and films all day. Bad things come in threes... I have had two so far (broken heart and bad degree result). What is to come next ? :S uh oh.
But as someone very wise once said in words similar to these: "to truly appreciate the highest highs you have to experience the lowest lows".... Hopefully I am experiencing the "lowest lows" right now and things can only get better.... maybe one day reach one of the "highest highs" once more.
I will keep you posted on the progression of the "lowest lows", but hopefully keep it fairly light-hearted as these blogs may help me become naturally more positive about the horrible situation I am in.
Love xxx
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